People who love each other may encounter many problems at the stage when they decide to unite their ways with the aim of marriage. Individuals who decide to get married expect the excitement to increase day by day in this process and their hearts to be fluttering. But the facts are not like that, excitement is replaced by excessive stress, argument and anger. This situation is called “premarital syndrome”.
In premarital syndrome, many negative thoughts may appear in the minds of the spouses. Some of them are as follows; Are we not the right people for each other? Is it possible to spend a lifetime with the same person? Will he respect my personality rights or will he interfere with everything? Will his family be involved in everything when we get married? Is the candidate I want to marry my soul mate? Is it right if I give up when the road is close? Am I ready to marry? Many such questions are constantly starting to take place in people’s minds. After the marriage decision is made, the preparations made during the period until the marriage can also put the bride and groom candidate under a lot of stress. It is seen that these situations are usually temporary.
What is Marriage? What Marriage Brings
Marriage, the first step in establishing a new family, is the most natural way to liberate and grow independently of the family. Transitioning from the position of lover to the role of spouse, leaving the parents’ house and taking responsibility for one’s own are the necessities of marriage. Fifty years, which is considered one of the most important steps for the transition to adulthood, have many beautiful aspects. Some of these are gaining social status, taking economic responsibility, having children, feeling the security of the sense of belonging, sharing life and shouldering the burden together.
Marriage brings many responsibilities in the lives of individuals, both individually and as a couple. Sometimes responsibilities can be heavy and anxiety and suspicion can be felt intensely. Individuals may worry that they cannot cope with responsibilities, changes and negative emotions. The only reason for this situation, which is usually encountered, is to be in a situation that he does not know or does not know. The new situations encountered and the prejudiced approach to the subject trigger the events.
The material and moral responsibilities encountered during the marriage phase can intimidate people. During this period, there is a longing for the old life in the premarital period. At this stage, people may experience inner fears due to the knowledge and experiences they have gained from the examples of marriage they have observed in their own parents. One of the most experienced emotions is the fear of being psychologically attached. It can be difficult for people to be attached to another person, to act by taking their thoughts into consideration when making a decision, to have to care about his ideas, to try to take responsibility for another person. Expecting the other party to make sacrifices, having to share financial and moral opportunities, establishing the balance between families and trying to show oneself to the other party’s family are among the factors that trigger the fear of marriage.
Ways to Cope with Marriage Syndrome
One of the most important ways to get rid of the fears and stress experienced during the marriage phase is to stop seeing marriage above everything else. In the premarital stage, the person may experience tension between his own feelings, personal realities and the suggestions of his close circle. It may take a touchy, sensitive, insecure, skeptical approach and go to the stage of exaggerating even the smallest events. In order to understand and try the other party, it may enter into inappropriate demands and requests. At this stage, wars of supremacy and non-compromise take place. At the stage when the concept of unity and integrity is not fully formed, the girl or boy enters into competition and mutual attacks and defense situations arise.
The most important solution is to try to stay calm, listen to each other and try to help each other in order to overcome these problems that are usually experienced. During the pre-marital period, couples should respect each other’s knowledge and opinions. Critical, judgmental and sharp comments should be avoided. In particular, family, relatives and friends who are outside of the couple should not interfere too much in the decisions made by the couples. In this way, the process will be more understanding and easier. In cases where the process wears out the individuals and the balance cannot be achieved, it is beneficial to get professional support.
It is necessary to be aware that the pre-marriage process, stress and anxiety are temporary, and to be aware that the time is actually a pleasant time. People should be sure of their decisions during this process and should be careful not to change their decision. Further confusion should not be allowed by imitating the marriages experienced or by seeking advice and assistance from other people. Instead of dealing with the problems experienced in the marriage process, it is important to do activities that will allow you to have a better time by letting the events flow. Most importantly, it should not be forgotten that the intensity and complex emotions experienced are made to share life with the loved one.
